No One Speaks
The Uncomfortable Silence of Addiction
He thinks he drinks too much
’Cause when he tells his two best friends
“I think I drink too much”
No one speaks
- Foo Fighters Friend of A Friend
There is an uncomfortable silence that falls when someone speaks about a personal experience with addiction. A heavy veil of shame and fear blankets the conversation and drives us deep into our thoughts and feelings. Our stomachs tighten and words get stuck in our throats. We look down, suddenly obsessed with a loose thread, and hope that the moment passes quickly.
We don’t know what to say so we say nothing at all.
When we have to look at the face of a grieving family.
When we see our friends taking it a bit too far a bit too often.
When we question our relationship with substances or behaviours that we know aren’t good for us.
We don’t know what to say so we say nothing at all.
When it’s right in front of us and the human impact of addiction is impossible to ignore the silence is deafening. Addiction is a deeply human issue, one that evokes deeply held emotions. Addiction is a disease of disconnection, and connection is central to our existence. Addiction makes us uncomfortable, and we hate being uncomfortable.
But our silence betrays us.
It pushes us further away from each other and gives space for fear, shame, disgust, and hostility to take hold. Our silence amplifies disconnection by building a wall between us and them.
And with that wall erected…
Suddenly everyone has something to say.
With that wall erected, we unload our discomfort.
We ridicule those who visibly struggle while sharing a drink with those who struggle silently.
We link the words ‘homeless’ and ‘addiction’ as if it doesn’t exist within our homes.
We speak from fear, and we speak loudly to mask our shame.
With that wall erected, we allow ourselves to believe that we are not them. That there is something different about them,
a weakness,
a failing,
an immorality.
Something, anything, that would make it impossible for us to be them.
But our silence betrays us.
Making it harder and harder to see the human impact of addiction.
When we stay silent in the face of a grieving mother, the more she disconnects from us, because her grief ties her to them.
We don’t know what to say, so we allow our silence to betray us.
But what if we didn’t let it?
What if instead of silence, we dared to speak?
When we meet fear with courage,
(I’m here.)
When we meet shame with empathy,
(You are not alone.)
Words that once spoken reconnect us,
(I care.)
Once freed from our throats simple words crumble the walls that separate us from ourselves.
