GRATITUDE DEEP DIVE

Let’s Do The OG Gratitude Journal Activity Together

The original activity wasn’t like what is prescribed today.

Photo courtesy of Gratisography

Sometimes the most powerful interventions are those that are designed to be short, intense circuit breakers. The original gratitude journal was designed (and studied) as one of those interventions.

As I start this deeper exploration into gratitude I needed a place to start my dive. There is no place better to start than at the very beginning with the intervention that started it all — the Gratitude Journal Activity.

Now I realize that I spent a fair amount of words detailing exactly why you shouldn’t start a gratitude journal in my last post, and I stand by that. As it is prescribed today the gratitude journal is more likely to lead to feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, or simply relief. They are open-ended and lack a specificity that leads to what Charles Shelton (2010) would call shallow gratitude.

Used as a reset, a tool to refocus on building a gratitude practice — and not AS a gratitude practice — the gratitude journal is unparalleled.

What is the OG Gratitude Journal Activity?

The Gratitude Journal started as an experimental ‘gratitude’ condition in a study done by Emmons and McCullough in 2003. They were looking into what impact a ‘grateful outlook’ had on physical and mental wellbeing.

There were 3 different experiments carried out, all of which pointed to a moderate benefit of ‘Counting Blessings’ on the mental and physical health of the participants.

The ‘Gratitude’ condition had the participants either;

1. Maintain a Weekly Journal recalling things that they were grateful for over the course of the week — for 10 weeks.
2. Maintain a daily record of up to 5 things they were grateful for — for 2 weeks.

Participants reported: feeling ‘happier’, exercising more, helping others more often, and having fewer physical complaints.

You might think that this is basically what is being prescribed today — and you wouldn’t be wrong, except for the timeframe. Today’s journals are sold as a full and complete gratitude practice. The OG was at most 10 weeks long.

Bringing it back to the Old School — With Some Upgrades

So let’s do this!

I will be updating the sections below as they happen, in the evening (it is recommended to complete your journal in the evening before bed — but while you still have enough energy to do it).

Since the original study, follow-up studies have shown that the power of the gratitude journal is amplified with a few ‘tweaks’

• Occasional Journaling is more powerful than daily
• Don’t only focus on the positive — reflecting on how we overcome our challenges is important
• Change up the prompts — don’t just list I’m grateful 1,2,3
• People are more powerful than things
• Be specific and detailed

If you want to join me in this journey, find a pace that works best for you, but aim for at least 3x a week for at least 2 weeks. I’ll be sharing the prompts that I use in the posts so feel free to use them if you get stuck!

Most importantly…have fun!!

Monday, January 10, 2022

Ok here we go.
Day 1. It makes sense to start with the prompt that was given to the original participants.

There are many things in our lives, both large and small, that we might be grateful about. Think back over the past week and write down on the lines below up to five things in your life that you are grateful or thankful for.

1. I am grateful that my children are at an age that I can put them to sleep and have time in the evening to unwind. I have longed for this day since my youngest was born. I had made one of the biggest sleep ‘mistakes’ with them — I cuddled them to sleep. I love the sweet cuddles that happen right before they fall asleep at night. I want them to have their last moments before they cross into dreamland to be cuddled warm and safe in my arms. I have absolutely no regrets about the hours I spent ‘trapped’ under their tiny bodies as I tried and failed to escape without them waking and starting the cycle over again. But, that often meant sacrificing my evenings. Now they are at an age where they settle quickly and don’t stir when I get up. And I have my time back. And I am deeply grateful for that.
2. I am grateful for my three best female friends, all for different reasons — and one reason that they all share. All three of these beautiful strong women are ‘Wildflower’ friendships — they thrive without much need for tending. Yet no matter how much time passes when we are together it feels like no time has passed at all.
   Friend A knows me better than I know myself and will always remind me of that. She has never once wavered in her support and genuine love for me. Outside my own family, she may have been the first person to show me what unconditional love felt like. Try as I might to shake her because of that — she’s still here. I’m grateful she’s stuck it out because I think I am finally able to accept that I am worthy of it.
   Friend B is fast with a laugh, a walk in a park, or a night on the town. She puts me at ease with her flowy presence and has never made me feel judged. Ever. She accepts me for who I am and supports me wholeheartedly in any endeavour I undertake. She connects me to a more ethereal side of life and allows me to explore with her in my own unique way.
   Friend C pushes me outside of every comfort zone I have ever known. She challenges me to not accept whatever limitations that I have put on myself and allows me to see who I am on the other side. She has helped me to find the courage to stand up for myself and speak my truth — even if it meant that someone might not ‘like’ it.
   I wouldn’t be who I am without their friendships and I don’t tell them enough how much I value the impact they have made on my life. So I hope this is just a step towards doing it more often.
3. …I genuinely am drawing a blank. Why push it and dilute my gratitude just to fill an imaginary quota?

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Ok — so it’s later than I wanted it to be. I now understand why the suggestion is to do this in the evening before your brain gets too tired. Well, here I am.

So in the interest of saving whatever brainpower I do have left today…let’s get to it.

What was I grateful for over the past two days?

1. I am grateful for people who speak in workshops/meetings etc. There is a vulnerability that comes with being a presenter or a speaker. I think that vulnerability can be forgotten when the presenter is confident and skilled, but it’s still there. So when there are a few people within the group that are able to break through the awkward silence — it is a blessing.
2. I’m equally grateful for those who take a longer time to process. There is a tendency in Western culture to favour the quick answer. Those who take longer to process may not have the wittiest response…but they often have the wisest. I forget that for myself a lot and I am grateful to the people who model slow, deliberate thoughts.
3. I’m grateful to have a home. A home allows me to rest. To take off whatever mask or armour I had to wear throughout the day. It is a place to feel safe. It is difficult to not slip into mixed gratitude here. To think about all those who don’t have a home, or whose home is not peaceful. It takes a minute to go deeper to think about what it is I truly value about home. To think about that feeling of comfort and valuing that — and genuinely wanting that for others instead of being sad or guilty that others don’t have it. I am grateful that I have a home. It provides me with a safe space to practice being my full authentic self. I hope everyone gets to experience this — and I will open my awareness to an opportunity to support that within my community.
4. I’m grateful that research supports the notion that I am exhausted and it is difficult to think of something more meaningful! See you Friday!

Friday, January 14, 2022

I’m starting to understand the appeal of ‘just’ listing what I am grateful for 1,2,3 – it’s easy and predictable. This was a long week work wise with at home schooling of a 5-year-old, so not having to come up with something to ‘do’ is helpful. I also think knowing the question in advance makes my brain use that lens in the in-between times. Finally I am glad that I didn’t commit to a daily practice I think I would feel overwhelmed. And now without further hesitation:

1. I am grateful for technology. I know that sounds so broad but it allows me to live where I do and still have my career. I understand that in many ways it is challenging – but for me it is freeing. I remember my now husband rigging up our 70’s camper with my first ‘mobile office’, so I could work at a mountain music festival. When I travelled technology offered me a connection to home, and now a connection back to those people and places that I would have otherwise lost. Technology can get in the way of connection, but if used as a tool it can deepen and broaden our connections. It also allows us to keep our commitments while looking after ourselves (as I write this update floating in a warm tub…).
2. I’m grateful for people that I can talk through new and challenging ideas with. I caught up with a friends and colleague today. I’ve been working on my next gratitude article and was finding some of my thoughts confusing. Sometimes when you are knowledgeable in an area there is an expectation that you know everything about it. That can lead to surface level conversations that don’t deepen anyone’s understanding. When you are in a conversation that is comfortable enough to challenge thoughts there is a deeper understanding that happens. And ability to see from other perspectives what you might have missed. That is a true gift of trust and vulnerability that should be treasured. And sought out more often.
3. I am so incredibly grateful for my husband. I could add this entry daily and I wouldn’t run out of things to say about how grateful I am for this human. This week he was full on dad to our two children as I had full days of clients and conferences. And yet here I am. I’m the bath washing away the stresses of the week. Listening as he gently guides them to bed. What a way to end a week. I know it might seem cliche to express gratitude for your partner – but I am genuine when I say I wouldn’t be able to do this without him. I am so incredibly grateful him came into my life…and stayed.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Today is the first day since starting this experiment that I am really just not feeling writing. It’s Sunday. It’s been a long week. Today I’m going to switch it up and think about things that I am grateful didn’t happen.

1. I am grateful that we didn’t lose power in the latest storm. I love the snow and it is so much more enjoyable knowing that I didn’t have to worry about running a generator and keeping the fire fed. I know that there is a lot of maintenance that goes into keeping the lines clear. So I am grateful to the people who make sure the power stays on.
2. I’m grateful I didn’t run out of coffee today. Like I said. It’s been a long week. I’m tired. Coffee is life. I am grateful I had enough life to get through today.

That’s all I can do today. And since it’s my journal… that's ok!!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2022…err….Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Well, it finally happened. This is being written the day after I was ‘supposed’ to. Now that the pangs of guilt that I have somehow ruined everything and every one of you reading this will be judging me have passed, I can get down to the business of being grateful.

1. This one may start off a little too broad but I will narrow it by the end. Today I am incredibly grateful for Teachers. Now obviously not all teachers are the same. There are horrible teachers just like there are horrible journalists, accountants, and geologists. But when you come across a good teacher…or even a great one… it is a powerful meeting. After one week of online schooling with our 5-year-old, I can feel the gratitude for her teacher even more. I acknowledge that I am fortunate to have a child that not only enjoys going to school — but thought that computer school was incredibly fun. She was fun….her father and I had a harder time. We have played with the idea of alternative forms of schooling — and depending on how the world and our lives unfold it is still an option. But I can promise my kids, myself, and everyone else that there will be a teacher of some sort involved. And that teacher will not be me or my husband. My daughter LOVES her teachers. She listens to them and learns from them in a way that is just impossible for her to do with us. Her teacher is young, and in her first year of teaching (what an intro!). She has adapted to the challenge and made it so my daughter’s first experience of school has been incredible despite it being ‘abnormal’. When I think back over my education I can remember very few teachers. Those who were so awful they made a mark, and those who were so positively impactful that I can still feel the warmth of their caring today. The job of a teacher is not easy at the best of times — and these are not the best. But because of the efforts of my daughter's teachers, she has no idea that these times are anything less than the best.
2. This one may be a little outside the box — but I am grateful for people who share wisdom without even knowing it. Last week I mentioned that I was able to be part of a conference in which I was a co-presenter. I love presenting with this human and to this group because he is able to foster an environment where participants feel free to share their thoughts. This conference gave me 2 nuggets of absolute brilliant wisdom that I will carry forever. The first was part of a daily prayer that was shared. Within it, the individual added a line: “Thank you for the honour of being myself.” When they spoke the words I felt like they pierced right through any armour I thought I had and stuck in my heart. As a human who has struggled with self-worth in the past — this was something that I had never considered and love the fact that I have this language now. The second piece of wisdom that was offered was to stop asking for strength. We were fortunate to have an Indigenous Cheif participating in the call. As we were wrapping the two days she offered this bit of wisdom. It seems counterintuitive to not ask for strength when you are going through a challenging time, but it is anything but. When we ask for strength, she explained, Creator will give us experiences that help us to build strength. We build physical strength by picking up heavy things — why should emotional or mental strength be different?
3. The final thing that I am grateful for on this morning after the night before I was ‘supposed’ to complete this entry? Self-compassion. I am grateful to myself for learning about and then working on my own self-compassion. It can be easy as someone who studies wellbeing to leave it at just that. Acquisition of knowledge. But knowing something, having a deep awareness of something, is very different than embodying it. I’ve seen this over and over again as I go behind the scenes with some of the most popular psychologists, therapists, researchers, and practitioners — some of us are great at talking the talk. But walking the walk? Not so much. Facing up to my issues of self-worth meant talking to that voice inside my head. Often called the Inner Critic (mine is called Jerkface Jaime McGee), this voice is really ourselves picking at every insecurity we have ever had. Meeting Jerkface McGee was difficult for me at first. It took practice to not engage with her. She’s still there. I still consult with her occasionally (sometimes she’s not totally awful), but she knows her role. Self-compassion helped me to set boundaries with her. It was her who reminded me that I had forgotten to write in my journal last night. But it was my self-compassionate voice that spoke up and made it ok to just get it done today. I know that in the past this would have caused a downward spiral and I would have just thrown the whole project away. It was no longer perfect and you all now know that I am crap at remembering things all the time. Instead, I can just be open about it, compassionate in the knowledge that I am human and sometimes humans forget things. It’s not really a big deal and is in fact an opportunity to learn and be more open with my audience. And for that — I am grateful to me!

Thursday, January 20, 2022 & Saturday, January 22, 2022

It somehow makes sense that I logged on today to catch up on the entry I missed yesterday, only to discover that I actually missed Thursday. So now I have a lot of gratitude to catch up on. I guess I’ll do this twice today.

1. Roxanne Jenkins – our family doggo. When I tell you I feel my heart exploding whenever her tail thumps begging for belly rubs, it’s not an exaggeration. She came to my husband and I as a wedding gift. One of the humans mentioned above knew we wanted a dog and her in laws had just had a ‘oopsy’ litter. Two farm dogs met one night and boom a litter of 1/2 black lab and 1/2 Great Pyrenees was born. They were the cutest little giant puppies ever. I was in puppy heaven when I opened their pen and cuteness exploded out. As I was rolling around in puppy bliss, my husband stood back and observed. He saw one dog not get excited. She sauntered out last, had some water, and laid down to watch me and her litter mates. That chill demeanour made her our perfect puppy. We found out later that she was the runt. She had been kicked off her mom’s teat and had to be bottle fed and cuddled. She slept on my lap for the entire 8 hour drive home. I fell in love. It wasn’t always smooth sailing. There were failed walks that ended in tears (mine) and there were moments when I thought she only bonded to my husband. But now – 6 years later…I am so grateful for her companionship. She’s there, quietly watching over us all – and then not so quietly alerting us to any outside movements. She’s a gentle 110lb giant. She’s my puppy and I love her snoring in my office as I work.
2. I’m grateful to scientists – Like the kinds working in labs inventing things to keep us all alive. The amount of hours of precision and attention to detail is incredible. Their minds work in a way mine just doesn’t. And I am so grateful they do.
3. I’m also grateful for musicians. The number of times that a song has gotten me through a hard time – or I’ve felt seen through the lyrics – is too numerous to count. There is something special about those who are able to make music. And for them – I am grateful.

Ok — it’s now later in the day today and I am back to the regularly scheduled gratitude journal for today. I realized that I haven’t yet talked about overcoming challenges — so this will be interesting.

1. One of the biggest challenges that I have been through is the process of learning to genuinely and authentically love myself. While a lot of the people and things that I have already mentioned contributed to me eventually getting there — I wouldn’t have made the mental ‘switch’ if it wasn’t for Brené Brown. Her book The Gifts of Imperfection gave me the gift of not only understanding myself but understanding that there was a pathway through. Her guideposts have inspired my own journey but also how I work with others. No judgement, simply deeper insight and bringing awareness of another pathway. She is goals.
2. When I was 28 I travelled to South Africa to work on a youth empowerment program. I was naive and full of unearned self-assuredness — that crumbled day 1. I made a lot of assumptions that day, the most significant one being that my opinion, perspective, and goals were ‘right’. I quickly discovered that I was deeply wrong. I am incredibly grateful to my Mama Nomisa who called me on it quickly. She was unafraid to stand up to my white ignorance. That was a gift that I could not have earned, or fully grasp what it meant at the time. But she did. She told me I was wrong in the way only a mother could. Loving care with an undertone of ‘you had better change NOW’. That conversation was hard, but it was nothing compared to the one I had to have with my partner and eventual friend Ongezwa. In my ignorant belief in my rightness, I had hurt her. Asking for forgiveness at that moment was the scariest and most humbling moment of my life. Until it was granted. I will be forever grateful to them both, and I will spend a lifetime trying to remember the lessons and pay them forward.
3. That was a big one. I’m going to marinate here for a while. Shifting away from the moment I just described would feel trite. So I won’t. Goodnight everyone. See ya’ll for the final entry on Monday.

Monday, January 24, 2022

It feels like two weeks have flown by. I know that I haven’t been perfect – but here we are. I’ll make a separate post on my reflections but for now…the gratitude.

1. I am grateful for the mountains. One of my favourite places in the world has a sign on the way in that says ‘and the mountains shall bring peace to the people’. There has never been a truer sign. Just thinking about it makes me feel inner calm. It’s a powerful gift that I am grateful for continuously.
2. Nature. More specifically natural processes. How a leaf becomes a leaf. And how that lead plays a role in a larger system of themes. It all just…works. I’m constantly caught in awe.
3. Sciencists. People who take their curiosity to the next level. They generally aren’t the ones out there getting the glory. They are the reason ‘The Science says’ anything. Most science is glory-less because it’s about truth over popularity. That’s a rare thing in our culture. And I think that’s a perfect place to leave this activity. It’s been…interesting.

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.

Robert A. Emmons and Anjali Mishra, “Gratitude,” in Religion, Spirituality, and Positive Psychology: Understanding the Psychological Fruits of Faith, ed. Thomas G. Plante (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger), 9–30.

Shelton, C. M. (2010). The Gratitude Factor: Enhancing your life through grateful living. New Jersey: Hidden Spring (Paulist Press).